“The rape of a child is a violent act of contempt, not an expression of sexuality or affection.”
― Mike Lew and Childhood Sexual Trauma
DEFINITION OF PEDOPHILE
Pedophilia is a paraphilia that involves an abnormal interest in children. Pedophilia is also a psychosexual disorder in which the fantasy or actual act of engaging in sexual activity with prepubertal children is the preferred or exclusive means of achieving sexual excitement and gratification. It may be directed toward children of the same sex or children of the other sex. Some pedophiles are attracted to both boys and girls. Some are attracted only to children, while others are attracted to adults as well as to children.
We can establish three main categories of pedophiles from the way they feel about acting out:
Abstinent pedophiles, who made a conscious and willing choice to never have sexual relationships with children;
Passive pedophiles, who refrain from acting out not by choice but because of external factors they have no control over (relational inhibitions, fear of prison or of social rejection, etc);
Active pedophiles, who are ready and willing to act out, whether by waiting for an opportunity or by actively seeking one, possibly meeting a greater or lesser number of criteria.
Understand that any adult could be a child molester. There is no one physical characteristic, appearance, profession, or personality type that all child molesters share. Child molesters can be any sex or race, and their religious affiliations, occupations and hobbies are as diverse as anyone else’s. A child molester may appear to be charming, loving, and completely good-natured while harboring predatory thoughts that he or she is adept at hiding. That means you should never dismiss the idea that someone could be a child molester out of hand.
2. Know that most child molesters are known to the children they abuse.
Thirty percent of children who have been sexually abused were abused by a family member, and 60 percent were abused by an adult they knew who was not a family member. That means only 10 percent of children who are sexually abused were targeted by a total stranger.
In most cases, the child molester turns out to be someone known to the child through school or another activity, such as a neighbor, teacher, coach, member of the clergy, music instructor, or babysitter.
Family members like mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, cousins, stepparents, and so on may also be sexual predators.
3. Know the common characteristics of a child molester. While anyone can turn out to be a child molester, the majority of child molesters are men, regardless of whether their victims are male or female. Many sexual predators have a history of abuse in their own past, either physical or sexual.
Some also have mental illness, such as a mood or personality disorder.
Heterosexual and homosexual men are equally likely to be child molesters. The idea that homosexual men are more likely to be child molesters is a complete myth.
Female child molesters are more likely to abuse boys than girls.
4. Be aware of common behaviours demonstrated by child molesters. A child molester often doesn’t display as much interest in adults as they do in children. They may have jobs that allow them to be around children of a certain age group, or contrive other ways to spend time with children by acting as a coach, babysitter or neighbour trying to help.
Child molesters tend to talk about or treat children as though they are adults. They might refer to a child as they would refer to an adult friend or lover.
Child molesters often say they love all children or feel as though they are still children.
5. Look for signs of grooming. The term “grooming” refers to the process the child molester undertakes to gain a child’s trust, and sometimes the parents’ trust as well. Over the course of months or even years, a child molester will increasingly become a trusted friend of the family, offering to babysit, take the child shopping or on trips, or spend time with the child in other ways. Many child molesters won’t actually begin abusing a child until trust has been gained. Some may use others opinions around them to back up their trustworthiness in order to take children shopping.
Child molesters look for children who are vulnerable to their tactics because they lack emotional support or aren’t getting enough attention at home or will try to convince the parents their children are safe with them and that they are not going far. The child molester will attempt to step in as the “parent” figure for the child.
Some child molesters prey on the children of single parents who aren’t available to provide as much supervision or convince parents that they are nice enough people to supervise without them.
A child molester will often use a range of games, tricks, activities and language to gain trust and/or deceive a child. These include: keeping of secrets (secrets are valuable to most kids, being seen as something “adult” and a source of power), sexually explicit games, fondling, kissing, touching, sexually suggestive behaviour, exposing a child to pornographic material, coercion, bribery, flattery, and—worst of all—affection and love. Be aware that these tactics are ultimately used to isolate and confuse your child.
Beware of PEDOPHILE 